Can We Just Not!?

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I love the internet.

Not only can you use social media to stay connected to people you don’t see in real life, but you can basically find anything (and I mean ANYTHING) your heart desires on Etsy, Groupon and Amazon. I’m sure we can all agree that Amazon Prime is the best thing to happen online since AOL chatrooms back in the day (may they RIP).

Speaking of things that are no longer on the internet…I started to think about all of the things that I wish would just go away every time I log onto Facebook. So I thought I’d pen a quick and dirty post, dedicated to those atrocities. In no particular order, here we go.

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April the Giraffe. Listen, giraffes are my FAVORITE! Like I almost had a Kristen Bell sloth moment when I got to feed one for the first time. But can we be done with April? I wish her all the mazels, and her calf has one hell of a punim. But it was bad enough to see the live stream as every other post on my feed for the last several months. Give that giraffe a push present and send her on her way.April.jpg

The colored square status updates. I don’t get it? What’s wrong with a regular update? What’s so great about putting a colored background up with the same words on it. Am I missing something?

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Pimple popping vids. Seriously. GTFO with these disgusting things that just all of a sudden show up in my feed because one of my friends liked it. They are gross and I just can’t. Ever.

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The “you can cook too”, vids. I was ALL about these when it there were just a couple of players, like Tasty, showing how to make a yummy meal in 3.5 milliseconds. So many looked delicious and I even tried a couple. But I found them to be like the annoying sister of Pinterest fails. AH-Mazing in theory, but never panned out for me. Really what annoys me about them though, is that they have taken over and are like┬á80% of my feed.

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Game requests. Listen, if you want to play candy crush or some other game, go for it. But please stop posting your results and sending me requests. I don’t want to play.

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Nick Viall. He’s a douche. Move on Bachelor Nation

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Anything Kardashians. I don’t care what bikini Kourtney is wearing, what Kim eats to lose weight, or what makeup secrets Kylie and Kendall have. I just don’t.

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Cash me ousside chick. Lock her up already and throw away the key…Howbow Dah?

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Share this message or something terrible will happen, messages. Spoiler alert, nothing terrible is going to happen if you don’t share it. These are like modern-day chain letters and need to stop.

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OK. End Rant.

But to end on a positive…here are things I LOVE seeing and never get sick of.

Your beautiful families.

Hilarious stories about REAL life and not Facebook fantasy land.

People (especially women) who are KILLING it at life – personlly and/or professionally – and others supporting the shit out of them.

Basically anything my mom posts because it’s usually hilarious without her even realizing it.

Oh, and videos of people falling down, off treadmills (my mom actually did that btdubs), or general klutziness. Because really, do those every go out of style?

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Showing 3 comments
  • Phenomenom

    Speaking of game requests – how many active games with 1 person is too many? Asking for a friend…

  • Shira Badger

    Lol. So awesome. I’d probably do away with the negative news stories and heavy political commentaries. I just want to see people’s cute kids and pets.

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