Even amidst fender benders, slips and falls and wedding cake debacles, we managed to get hitched without a hitch. Our small, intimate, family wedding was a HUGE success. And now all we had left to do, was to reflect on the previous night and revel in some R&R at the beautiful resort. And by R&R, I mean our families invaded it. Because that’s what we do.
Not sure if you remember my mom kibitzing with the valet / head bellman, Kevin, when we were at the resort for my hair and make-up trial, but she was basically priming the pump to get everyone into the “exclusive” pool area so we could hang as a family for one last day.
So first, we all met for another meal. Jason’s parents hosted a beautiful post-wedding brunch at the other restaurant in the hotel. The men in my family scare the SHIT out of buffets. They can do some serious damage and there are definitely a few local Long Island buffets that shudder when they walk in the door.
My family (all of us) love food…and booze. In fact, one of my uncles actually has his travel logistics down pat to ensure he will always have food and drink on him. What’s his secret? He doesn’t bring a carry-on on the plane. That’s amateur hour. He brings a cooler. He packs it with clothes, just like a regular suitcase. But when he gets off the plane, said suitcase transforms into a ready-made buffet on the go. True Story. This trip, he even made a special stop after the wedding to buy an entire fried chicken “in case anyone got hungry.” The fear of hunger plagues my family 24/7 apparently. The struggle is real, people.
Brunch was a success and we even had a celebrity sighting. Alonzo Mourning was there and my cousin snagged this pic before he had a chance to escape. My mom whipped out her phone to take pics of him too but I’m willing to bet they are mostly of herself or her lap. Her and her sisters are so severely technologically handicapped. No seriously, the other day my aunt was telling my mom she didn’t understand why FaceTime wasn’t working…from her land line.
We finished stalking Zo and stuffing our faces and headed to the pool – all 30-something of us. To be clear, ONLY Jason and I were actually staying at the hotel while everyone else (staying across the street) was being all stealthy in the interest of family time. Fake it til you make it. No shame.
We claimed a corner of the pool and basically parked ourselves there for the day.
We schlepped my 92-year-old gram there too, stuck her in a shaded chair and let her enjoy watching the family bonding time. This was on the heels of my uncle (the cooler/ suitcase uncle) wheeling her down to the lobby and saying to the polished and poised front desk chap, “Excuse me…I called for a hooker last night and you sent me this!”. Yes, the cooler/suitcase uncle is also inappropriately hilarious like the rest of us. In case you were wondering, gram didn’t even flinch because she’s so used to the debauchery.
My mom did not bring a bathing suit and after realizing mostly everyone was actually in the water, her pool envy got the best of her and she decided to run home “real quick” and grab one. Now, remember, she lives MAYBE a mile away. You could walk if you really wanted to. But somehow an hour and a half (at least) went by and she still wasn’t back. She will swear up and down that’s not the case, but we all know it was. She said she didn’t understand what we were all talking about because she was only gone for 30 mins tops. Who knows what distracted her. She probably “quickly” threw in 7 loads of laundry, picked up around the already immaculate house and of course walked Piggy, which does take a little extra time since she wipes her ass with baby wipes. No, I’m not kidding.[vimeo 126496702 w=500 h=888] <p><a href=”https://vimeo.com/126496702″>piggy</a> from <a href=”https://vimeo.com/user39626820″>Rachel Sobel</a> on <a href=”https://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a>.</p>
Another thing I have repeatedly mentioned is that my family is just not formal. We are real and unfiltered, just the way I like it.
And SLS and I are the furthest thing from formal. I mean, our wedding invitation could NOT have been more lax.
I didn’t post earlier for fear of wedding crashers (you never know). It also opened the floodgates to questions from the “older” cousins (who are only 7 years – at the highest age gap – older than us)
“Rachel, what’s a tight Instagram game? What does that mean? I don’t understand.” Getting them on board to use the carefully considered wedding festivity hashtag – #sobelyeverafter – was a challenge in itself! I mean what the hell happens when you all of a sudden have tweenagers? Do you lose coolness??? Is there a correlation?
As everyone was making their way back to NY, the convos about Instagram and hashtags and other subjects and terminology currently prevalent in pop culture, bled its way into our ongoing cousin group text. I made a comment related to one of my cousins scoring great pics from the wedding and used the acronym, “FTW”. It was preceded by another convo where I used the expression, “Bye Felicia”. Half the group had no effing clue what I was talking about so I had to introduce them to Urban Dictionary. A necessary evil in today’s society to navigate the flood of ridiculous things kids today say.
Here’s how it went down:
Flights departed, family went home and SLS and I did too, to finish packing and prepping for our Puerto Rican honeymoon.
That’s up next. Trust me, it’s just as eventful as the wedding with blindfolded dinners, me dangling from a zipline a couple thousand feet up and a couple other (mis)adventures! Stay tuned!