Every now and then, a girl just needs to kvetch, am I right?

So, a while back I posted about some things that ruffled my feathers and after dinner with friends last night, they suggested it was time for part deux.  So here we go.

1) Vanity plates. I touched on vanity plates a little last time, but they didn’t really get the attention they deserve. I. Hate. Them.  I don’t know where this irrational disdain originated, but they really make me cray (that’s not a typo – I’m trying to be current).  And the craziness is not created equal.  I definitely hate some more than others.  The ones that rank highest on the douche-ometer are the ones that advertise what you do for a living.  And typically these are reserved for the real assholes.  Like these…oh, and they’re all real pics I took myself.  No Google images here folks.

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So I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess we have an estate attorney and a plastic surgeon and a financial advisor respectively.  And apparently some residents of Douchebagistan.  Perhaps the “Money Dr” needs to go back to money med school so he can do better and get himself into an S63 AMG. I mean if you’re going to be a braggart about making paper shouldn’t you be in a higher model Benz?  Sheesh.

2) Boca Bitches.  There are bitches. And there are Boca bitches. I grew up down here but not in Boca…in Aventura. Which is pretty much like Boca but the Latin version.  No matter where you go in South Florida, there are fake and catty women.  It just comes with the territory.  However, Boca seems to be the place reserved for a special breed.  But I realized something interesting!  Most of the really evil ones are transplants hailing from somewhere else. Maybe they vacationed here as children visiting their nanas in Century Village and decided to leave colder climates for the balmy 90 degree weather.  All l I know is that they are not South Florida natives, because true South Florida natives know how to tactfully NOT be friendly.  At least in Aventura, the bitches basically ignore you.  Here in Boca, they stare you up and down like fembots with laser beam eyes and engage in gossip like it’s their job.  I’ve managed to steer clear of pissing any of them off enough to set their laser beam targets on me (well almost, but that’s a post for another time).  But man, they are MEAN.  Probably because so many of them are physically exhausted from back to back to back Flywheel…and they’re probably starving.

3) Kiss Asses. (AKA Brown noses, social climbers) There are few things more annoying than a sycophant (my mom is totally going to read that last word and say, “The money I spent on SAT classes paid off!”).  It’s painful for me to watch. Newsflash: You cannot gain acceptance through someone’s anus.  And the worst are the ones who kiss ass to really horrible people who don’t even warrant it (see above line item).

4) The Devil’s Advocate.  You know those people who just like to disagree. You know, and they know they probably agree with whatever you are saying, but they just like to constantly show you the other side for no good reason.  Super annoying.  The devil doesn’t need any more advocates. He’s doing just fine.

5) People who complain about food photos on Facebook. Why do you care? What exactly is offending you? I don’t complain when you post a bazillion selfies, post details about your workouts, 15 of the same photo of your kid or dog or ridiculous political rants.   If postings of cuisine causes you aggravation look away.

6) April Fool’s Day.  I think this might be my least favorite day of the year. Everyone thinks they are so clever. I cannot stand elaborate hoaxes.  Yeah, work me up thinking something really awesome happened, play along until you’ve really hooked me and I’m emotionally invested, then tell me you made it all up. Or the reverse, paint a picture of doom and gloom giving me a pit in my stomach and then yell “Psych!!!”. That sounds like the most fun ever. Sign me up.  The same type of hatred applies to haunted houses.  If I wanted to pay to be scared, I would hang out in the women’s locker room of the fancy gym I used to belong to after the morning Zumba class to see the blue hair brigade walking around naked with full, silver 70s bush, saggy tits and yellow toenails…before they have a chance to draw on their eyebrows. Now that’s frightening.

7) Duck Face. I posted a short rant about this on Facebook a while back.  I don’t get it.  If I had a shekel for every Duck Face photo I’ve seen in the past year, oy!  There is NOTHING flattering about duck face.  You look like an asshole.  It’s not attractive. “God she’s beautiful and smart and funny, but you know what really gets me hot under the hood? When she does duck face…especially with like 4 of her drunk girlfriends. It’s sexy.” – said no one ever. There’s even a website dedicated to eradicating this horrible trend.



8) If you don’t tell me I have food in my teeth, or something on my face. Why? Just Why?  I would do it for you! I recently had an entire conversation in my personal home gym (by personal home gym I mean my treadmill in my garage) with a neighbor who was walking by. We’re chatting it up for a good 15 minutes. I finish up, go inside and my jaw literally dropped when I looked in the mirror to see this…


Can you effing believe that we had an ENTIRE conversation like this?? I mean, I look like I had a stroke while putting on my makeup and she couldn’t stop flapping gums for 30 seconds to tell me I looked like I had war paint on?

Ok, now that I am all riled up I need to pour myself a glass of wine.  Hope you all have a weekend free of annoying stuff like the above. Word.