PREFACE: This is the text convo that led up to my mother finally delivering her guest blog post…
Yup! She sent me a picture of the computer screen with her original draft.
We finally worked out the kinks, including how to get me the post. Enjoy…
Anyone who knows me knows that on Tuesdays, I spend the day with my mom! Since she has lived here, if it is Tuesday we are together!
So our first stop will be her favorite bagel joint where you have to be 95 or older and you must be covered in band aids and be toting an oxygen tank. Another pre-requisite is to have egg salad all over your eyelashes and cream cheese on the tip of your nose! And she wants to know why I don’t like it there.
Next stop is Barry’s on 44th street where my mom gets her lox wings and pickled herring and kishka! (Btw she always sends me home with kishka). Last Tuesday, the owner, Abraham, who knows all the regulars by name, starts to yell at Mersh, who is looking over the whitefish chubs, asking him where his shoes are! Mersh looks down and says “Oy vey I forgot them,” and then continues to shop.
Last stop is publix where my mom will ALWAYS try to use either expired coupons or score a SIMILAR product to the one on the coupon.
I just hung up the phone with my mom to finalize our plans. I asked her where she would like to eat and she said
“The bagel place you hate.”
Another reason for my germaphobic condition is the time when Rachel and I were eating at Turn Bagel in Aventura and an old man at the counter was soaking his teeth in his water glass! As I gagged, I called over the manager to complain and he smiled and said, “don’t worry last week he went home and left his teeth soaking I the sink in the men’s room!”
And as Rachel has mentioned, I BMOS (Bring My Own Silverware). Another reason why I will NEVER use restaurant utensils is because one night we went out to a place for a lobster special and when we walked up to the hostess to give our name, a container of Vagisil was sitting on the counter ! That meal was very appetizing.
So I think I have good reason to use plastic cutlery even in the top fancy schmancy restaurants! In fact most places I visit know me so well they know to take away the place settings when I sit down.
So now you can see how easy it is for me to get nauseous and not want to use public utensils! I could go on and on but I will save some material for when Rachel gets Another 500 likes…including the time I made Rachel run out of Mr. Coney Island with our trays of hot dogs and fries because I thought we were in the middle of a robbery!