NEW Yo! Momma: Navigating the Co-Sleeping Trap

Who’s ready for another collabo with my boys over at Daddy Mind Tricks!?!?

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Welcome to our monthly joint venture we like to call, Yo! Momma. We open up the mailbag to answer the questions from our most faithful readers and bring definitive resolution in the age-old battle of the sexes.

We do so in the only way we know how: with zero filter and 100-percent brutal honesty.

In our last edition, we took on the topic of contributing more around the house and how to avoid looking like a bumbling, stumbling, moronic father figure that a TV sitcom would proudly feature.

In the latest edition collaboration of the best parenting bloggers on the Internet, we’re discussing the idea of co-sleeping and how it can wreak havoc on a couple’s opportunities to enjoy a little sexy time.

You ask. We attempt to answer … and then Rachel from Whine & Cheez(Its) drops some knowledge on your ass to provide the feminine point of view that we all truly need in our lives.

Welcome to another edition of … Yo! Momma.

My wife is all about the co-sleeping with our 13-month old and I’m ready to resume irregularly sexy time stuff. How the hell do I get the kid out of our bed so I can finally have some fun with wifey?

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Pete: Welp, this sounds like the perfect chance to get a little creative outside of the bedroom, if you ask me. We don’t have to hit the time machine on sex life and travel back to the days of missionary position only pleasure under the lights before retreating back to our separate beds after an evening of the Donna Reed Show.

Not having enough sex in your own bed at night because your kid is in the way? Turn up the heat on some daytime fun whenever you can get the chance. Hire a babysitter and get it on in a Burger King bathroom like Humpty (Shock-G) from Digital Underground. Ship the kid off to family member for a night. Get a hotel and fuck like rabbits all over some freshened towels.

My point: don’t be afraid to find some creativity in the game of romance.

Now, that being said, why the hell is your toddler still sleeping in your bed and not in his or her own? Handle that. Perhaps a romp or two in your kitchen while the kid is watching Sesame Street in the other room will help unload some stress and provide clarity into how to get this little one doing 10-12 hours nightly in another bed.

Putting first things first, though – have a conference with wifey, get on the same page about the sleep training situation and get out of the hell that is co-sleeping with a toddler … before your little general can no longer stand tall and proud.

Rachel: First of all – back the fuck up. Chances are she’s not co-sleeping because she enjoys that hot furnace of a baby body all up on her, with sporadic kicks to the gut, arms across her face and a general disrespect for personal space. She’s basically at her “personal touch” limit.

Navigating the ever-changing sleeping patterns of an infant/toddler (among all of the other shit) is no joke and can make you feel like you’re taking crazy pills and hallucinating from sleep deprivation. She’s also probably bombarded by those passive-aggressive “sanctimommies” on the regular, about how their little angel was sleeping alone, through the night at 6 days old. That’s always super fun.

Bottom line? She’s fucking exhausted and tending to a child in those first few years leaves little time for rest, and yes even regular sexcapades. She wants to have sex with you, I promise (unless you’re a raging asshole). She’s just trying to figure it all out. Maybe instead of making her feel like all you want is to boot the kid from the bed so you can knock some boots, show some compassion.

Ask her what you can do to help with the transition. Offer to take another feeding. Do things proactively … sink filled with bottles? Clean it. Running low on diapers? Grab them at the store. Show her you are all about the co-parenting thing and that she has a partner, not just a sex-deprived spouse.

Nothing is more of a panty dropper than a partner who’s understanding AND all-in and hands-on with the kid stuff. It will happen. I promise.

Now it’s YOUR turn. Do you have some more questions for our crackpot team of experts? Drop us a line in the comments section, or hit us up on email at DaddyMindTricks [at] gmail.com and maybe we’ll feature your question in the next edition of Yo! Momma.

Yo! Momma: I Want To Do More Around The House

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Hi, my name is Rachel and I am super Type A and have a hard time relinquishing control of mundane household and kid-related activities…

So when my brothers from another mother, Pete & Mark from Daddy Mind Tricks tackled THIS reader question…I was ALL over it!

Check out the latest installment of Yo! Momma, about pitching in around the house.

Oh, and got a question you want to submit to get the he said/she said take? Send it our way (see info at the end of the post to submit).

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Welcome to our monthly joint venture we like to call, Yo! Momma. We open up the mailbag to answer the questions from our most faithful readers and bring definitive resolution in the age-old battle of the sexes.

We do so in the only way we know how: with zero filter and 100-percent brutal honesty.

Last time, we took on the topic of sensitive boobs and how to navigate around a perennially sore subject.

In the latest edition collaboration of the best parenting bloggers on the Internet, we’re discussing the tactful approach for men to get more involved around the house, even when wifey isn’t too keen on the concept.

You ask. We attempt to answer … and then Rachel from Whine & Cheez(Its) drops some knowledge on your ass to provide the feminine point of view that we all truly need in our lives.

Welcome to another edition of … Yo! Momma.

Mommy wants to get everything done around the house and won’t let me chip in to help  – admittedly, I’m awful at just about everything outside of boiling water, so I need her to Yoda me. But, I want to have a bigger role, so how do I respectfully tell her that I’m game for more stuff without hurting any feelings or getting in the way?

Pete: Okay, my dude. Time to play a little tough love. You’re going to have to suck it up, put the big boy pants on and learn how to get some shit done around the house – at least learn how to cook a damn meal because that’s some ridiculous shit.

I do applaud that you recognize this flaw in the gameplan and would like to call an audible here to get more involved. Here’s a three-step plan for success that will help ease the transition from bumbling dude to super dad.

First, time to have a chat with wifey. Teammates gotta talk to one another. LeBron James and Kyrie Irving communicate to each other in practice, on the sideline and most definitely on the court. Let your partner know that you want to contribute some more and that you are going to try to improve. Maybe offer to start small and take over a task here or there – like boiling some water to make some pasta at least once a week to cook some dinner.

Second, probably time to learn how to get some things done around the house. Ask wifey to show you some of the smaller things to establish the trust. In all likelihood she’d love to have some assistance in the day-to-day, but just gets caught up in getting it done herself because it’s easier than having to teach someone else and go through the growing pains. Be sure to reinforce that it’s okay if it doesn’t come out totally her way, as long as the kids survive, the house doesn’t burn down, and everyone still has their sanity.

Lastly, read more of this website. Starting with our New Rules to Fatherhood. Take that shit to heart and be ready to step up to the plate to be a fucking father worth crushing the competition by this time next year. Hell, make it part of your New Year’s Goals to find some measurable traits where you can improve.

Your wife will thank you.

Rachel: Wait, did you write this about me?!?! Because this is a real struggle of a Type-A chick. We want to do everything a specific way and can be a royal pain in the ass (guilty). It’s really not that we don’t WANT help from you, it’s just a little challenging to relinquish control after growing a tiny human in your uterus and then pushing it out. Since we did that part totally by ourselves, I think there’s this weird thing that happens that makes us feel nobody could possibly do things the way we would or want to. Yes it’s crazy unrealistic and a little dumb, but it happens.

I think the fact that you even want to have a bigger role and are not just sitting scratching your balls while she’s pumping, or nursing, or washing bottles, etc, is HUGE. When it’s time to feed or bathe the kid, don’t “ask”, just say…”Babe, let me give her a bath and you go sit down for a while.” Or if she’s REALLY a control freak (guilty), tweak it to, “Babe, I want to do bathtime with you…let me help.”

Sure, the first couple of times, she may shoot you down. But if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Eventually, she will take you up on it. The worst thing you can do is to just give up and get laser focused on fantasy football while the black circles under her eyes grow to epic proportions. I promise that once she sees you pitch it (and do it well), she’ll let that, “I’m just going to do everything” schtick a rest and be happy to have you on board.

Now it’s YOUR turn. Do you have some more questions for our crackpot team of experts? Drop us a line in the comments section, or hit us up on email at DaddyMindTricks [at] gmail.com and maybe we’ll feature your question in the next edition of Yo! Momma.

The Nightmare Before Christmas & Hanukkah – NEW Parental Advisory Podcast!!

Did you miss us???

Then you’re going to be stoked for the latest episode of the Parental Advisory Podcast with my brothers from another mother – Pete & Mark from Daddy Mind Tricks.

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We’re covering all of the nightmares before Christmas and Hanukkah (or as I call it, Jewish Christmas…because c’mon let’s get real, that’s basically what it is.)

We’re kvetching about all of it – from Thanksgiving to New Year’s to Black Friday and everything in between.

Ch-Ch-Check it out.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN >>> bit.ly/iTunesPAP

 

 

Making “Parent” Friends – New Parental Advisory Podcast Episode

Who’s ready for episode 5 of the Parental Advisory Podcast? 

On this one, Daddy Mind Tricks and I talk about the struggle of making parenting friends – and some other stuff, because let’s face it…we like a good tangent.

bit.ly/iTunesPAP

Check it out!!!

 

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Let’s Talk About Sex…

Particularly what happens to sex after you have children.

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On our latest episode of The Parental Advisory Podcast, We’re going there.

We are tackling everything – from porn, to sex rooms, to scheduled sex, to quiet sex and everything else (between the sheets).

Just head over to our iTunes page and look for Episode 4. And if you haven’t checked out the first three installments, today is a GREAT day to binge listen.

Direct Link HERE>>> bit.ly/iTunesPAP

xx,

Rachel

 

 

 

Introducing…The Parental Advisory Podcast (Insert Applause)

It’s finally here!! The news we have been sitting on, literally for months. We would have launched this endeavor sooner but with three parents living in three different states having kids with incessant fevers, snotty episodes and other parenting shit…we had some full plates over here.

 

You have probably witnessed the little social media lovefests between Daddy Mind Tricks and Whine & Cheez(its), but you need to know that our love is strong and real. Even more real than JoJo and Jordan.

 

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So we decided to take our relationship to the next level….PODCASTING!!

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That’s right! We are effing thrilled to announce the official podcast that is the brainchild of our two brands – The Parental Advisory Podcast.

 

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(TO GOT STRAIGHT TO THE ITUNES LINK CLICK HERE)

Shit. Just. Got. Real.

Here’s what you can expect:

Sarcasm

Raw parenting anecdotes

Busting each other’s balls

Cursing

Crossing boundaries

Honesty

Cursing

Hilarity

Entertainment

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Each episode will have the three of us discussing timely parenting topics – but REALLY discussing them. Not providing canned, politically correct soundbites. This isn’t The Effing View. Sometimes we will agree, sometimes we will not. But one thing you can always count on – we will ALWAYS be real as shit.

 

Please check out our first few episodes, share the hell out of them, review them wherever you listen and stay tuned for more. You can even put some money in our swear jar if you really want to help some bloggers out and be part of our efforts for world (or at least blogosphere) domination.

 

Thank you to all of our supporters and we hope you like what you hear!

 

Rachel, Pete & Mark

Yo! Momma: The “I Don’t Want To Talk About It” Edition

You know when a lady says, “I don’t want to talk about it”….and her husband/boyfriend/girlfriend and even her dog break into a sweat because they know that’s bad?

Yeah…that’t the question we are exploring on this week’s Yo! Momma, with my fave daddy bloggers, my work husbands from DaddyMindTricks.

Get reading on our his and hers perspectives.

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When women drop that go-to phrase declaring they “don’t want to talk about it,” be careful my fellow mortals of the male variety. This is one of the most loaded scenarios you’ll ever encounter.

You’re about to step into a potential maelstrom of epic proportions.

There are several trapdoor scenarios in which ambiguous communication methods from our female counterparts force us simple-minded men into making quick decisions that carry heavy consequences. These usually involve questions of weight, sex or perhaps even ghosts of a lover’s past.

Side note: If you don’t already know, the answer is always, “No, you are not fat,” and it must be delivered with impeccable timing as to not provide one Iota of doubt.

Once again, we’ve opened up the mailbag again to answer the questions from our most faithful readers for our monthly feature that brings definitive resolution in the age-old battle of the sexes. We do so in the only way we know how: with zero filter and 100-percent brutal honesty.

Last month, we took on the idea of getting back in the sack after baby mama gives birth, and how to (gently, kindly and cautiously) convince your significant other to drop a few excess pounds. This month, it’s about this little game of duality that pops up in our exchanges with members of the opposite sex.

In the latest edition collaboration of the best parenting bloggers on the Internet, we’re tackling the idea of communication – or lack thereof – and how to avoid the sneak attack that could have you pinned down harder than Rebel Forces on Endor.

You ask. We attempt to answer … and then Rachel from Whine & Cheez(Its) drops some knowledge on your ass to provide the feminine point of view that we all truly need in our lives.

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Welcome to another edition of … Yo! Momma.

When women say they “I don’t want to talk about it,” they really want to talk about it, huh? What do I do with that?

– Greg, New York

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Pete: “I don’t want to talk about it,” is a shitstorm that you must carefully navigate, my friend. You must approach this with a steady hand and cool demeanor, or the whole place goes up in smoke faster than a backstage room at a Method Man concert. Poke the bear a little too much, and she’ll likely explode on your dumbass on a nuclear level that makes Chernobyl look like a bad day at the beach. Don’t inquire enough and she assumes that you don’t care about whatever it is that’s truly troubling her and you earn the cold shoulder treatment for the foreseeable future. Best way out of this … calmly and coolly ask for clarification if she’s really not into talking about it. And then, if and when she actually does want to talk about (newsflash: she will eventually want to talk about it) … actually fucking listen and don’t be so hard-headed; you may learn something along the way.

 

Rachel: I know … we can be major pains in the asses. I’ll own it. There are two kinds of “don’t want to talk about it.” The one where we REALLY don’t want to talk about it. And the one that means we do, but are so pissed off we are torturing you a little. I know it can be confusing because they are really similar. And it’s scary for you because if you make a mistake and treat it like the wrong instance … it could be baaaaad. It’s like cutting the wrong wire to diffuse a bomb. Here’s what I would say. If I pulled the whole “I don’t want to talk about it” with my husband (which is rare because I like to talk about everything until I’m over it), best case scenario would be for him to gently call me out a little and say something like, “Okay, do you REALLY want to drop it and have me just leave you alone or do you want to get into it … because I will do whatever makes you happiest.”

 

Now it’s YOUR turn. Do you have some more questions for our crackpot team of experts? Drop us a line in the comments section, or hit us up on email at DaddyMindTricks [at] gmail.com and maybe we’ll feature your question in the next edition of Yo! Momma.