My baby is starting camp this week.

I’ve seen all the articles and posts about how so many women struggle when their baby grows. They talk about how fast it goes. They talk about their ovaries exploding at the sight of other babies and even wanting another one.

I’m going to be honest and admit, I don’t feel that. I don’t want another baby. My husband doesn’t either and we took care of business with a vasectomy to ensure that wouldn’t happen. I don’t miss the sleepless nights and the diaper blowouts and the colic and the on-demand nursing. I don’t want another baby but I also don’t want THIS one to grow up yet. She wasn’t easy to conceive and I was still reeling from a miscarriage when I became pregnant with her by some miracle. I fought for her emotionally and physically and she’s my last baby. My rainbow baby. And this week she’ll go to camp for the first time all by herself, with a backpack bigger than her, and my heart can’t take it. She might cry when she realizes I’m not staying with her. I might cry. We might both be emotional. Or we might be fine. We’ll see what happens in the moment.

So, to all the mamas struggling to hold your shit together watching your babies hit these milestones at warp speed, I’m right there with you and I see you.