You know those days where your kids are absolute exhausted illogical wrecks and if anything can go awry it will? 

I’m having one of those. 

We went to my older one’s camp show this morning. And because toddlers are toddlers, mine lost two pacifiers in the dark. I was on my hands and knees using the light from my phone to guide me under gross theater chairs accessorized with gum, trying to recover them while simultaneously trying not to piss off other doting parents there to see their kids perform. I was sweating because I knew if I didn’t find one, toddler wrath would ensue. We opened an infinite amount of snacks, all loudly. She jumped from my lap to my mom’s to wanting her own seat. 

This all went down during the span of an hour and a half show. And it’s not counting lunch after, where my older one (who’s been at sleep away) just wanted to text her friends while the little one was trying to “braid” (read create matted tufts that looked like the beginning of dreadlocks) in my hair, then her sister’s. 

She screamed when I got up to pee, screamed when I turned back thinking she wanted to come with me, screamed when I tried to switch her seat. 

So much fucking screaming I wanted to flip the table and the pizza on it, Teresa Guidice style. 

Everyone was tired. I couldn’t enjoy it. I rage ate my pizza aggressively and quickly because I needed to get home and put the little one down for a nap before I cried. 

She screamed when I put her in her crib, screamed when I took her out, screamed to go in my bed, screamed when we got there. Screamed to go on the couch and then did the wet noodle meltdown thing before she finally collapsed on me and passed out. 

It’s the middle of the afternoon and I’m so spent I could get in to bed right now and be done with today. I’m already at my limit. I have zero patience in my reserve right now and can’t move because I’m trapped under a toddler. 

Motherhood is not sunshine and rainbows, it’s a lot of this. So, if you keep it real and admit you have these days, you’re my people. We are all in the loud, chaotic trenches together, mamas.