Do You Regret Your First Marriage?

I lost count of the amount of times I have been asked that question since my divorce almost a decade ago.

I get it.

It’s a logical question to ask, I suppose.

And maybe there are many people who feel that sense of regret after leaving a marriage.

I’m just not one of them.

That marriage gave me my firstborn.

That marriage taught me what I wanted in a partner and what I didn’t.

That marriage taught me what was healthy in a marriage and what wasn’t.

That marriage taught me vulnerability, humility and strength.

That marriage taught me that no matter what it looks like to outsiders, you never know what’s truly going on behind closed doors.

That marriage taught me more about myself then I ever thought possible.

I can’t regret something that, in the end, changed me and the course of my life, even if it’s not what I had planned for.

Regret can consume you. It can be debilitating. And while it’s easy to regret things from our past, it doesn’t serve us to harp on regret. Instead it eats away at your soul and I’ve had enough soul eating for a lifetime, so I consciously choose NOT to regret it.

Instead I focus on all the good it brought into my life. Sometimes the good can be harder to see, especially from painful life events. But when we can find it, and hold onto it, it feels way better than wallowing in regret.