After my miscarriage, I was broken.
I cried all day.
Hated my body for failing me.
Felt anger at the universe.
I went completely out of my comfort zone because I needed to do something to break the sadness cycle I was living in.
I went to see an energy healer.
She was amazing and literally changed my life, but that’s another story.
I continued seeing her weekly when I got pregnant again.
She told me this child was going to be my “free spirit”.
The one running around naked and barefoot in the backyard.
Basically, in not so many words, she told me this child would give me a run for my money.
She was not wrong.
This child lives in mismatched pajamas & crazy hair until it’s time to take a bath and put on clean mismatched pajamas.
This child is so impossibly loud like all the time.
This child had learned how to negotiate chocolate for breakfast.
This child thinks (read knows) she’s in charge of us all.
This child LOVES to jump in muddy puddles and does it with a mischievous smile on her little face, like she knows some big secret the rest of us haven’t figured out yet.
And I’m tired.
Tired from being 43 with a tween and a toddler.
Tired from this pandemic.
Tired from political and social drama.
Tired from the dumpster fire of virtual school.
Tired of playing with barbies and play-doh.
Tired of teachers marking my middle schooler tardy or absent when she cannot get online because their technology is failing and then I have to stop my day to call and rectify it which is like an exercise in futility.
Tired from the proverbial wrenches that seem to keep getting hurled directly at my face.
Just so tired.
Some days I’m so tired that I say no to everything, including the puddles.
Then I feel like a jerk.
My kids have mostly been like rockstars during this abomination of a year. They’ve handled things better than I could have ever imagined. And sometimes all it takes to make them happy is to jump in muddy puddles.
They are so easy to please sometimes and I’m so tired I forget that.
So, here’s a little reminder to let them jump in the puddles. Maybe even join them.