I’m going to get vulnerable for a hot minute right now and be very honest about my friendships.
I don’t care who any of my friends are friends with. Everyone is entitled to create their circles with whoever they want whether I’m involved in those subsequent circles or not.
With one exception.
For me personally, if a friend betrays my trust in any way, I can’t be connected to them, even peripherally. It hasn’t happened a lot, but enough for me to hone in on my own internal friendship radar.
In my own circle, there are no walls. I share myself and my feelings unapologetically. And that’s how I like my friendships. If I don’t feel safe and comfortable doing that with someone, I can’t be all in and I don’t do anything half-ass.
So, if you are friends with someone who has betrayed me and has not made me feel safe, I can’t have you in my circle.
I would never tell you that you can’t be friends with anyone or make you choose sides. Because that is never my place. The people you choose to have in your life are exactly that, your choice.
I won’t be a b!tch. My decision is not filled with spite. I won’t cause drama. I will simply remove myself as a form of self protection & preservation and I hope you understand.
I’m sure there are people who can handle being friends with someone who is connected to a person who has hurt them. Maybe they are really good at compartmentalizing. I’m being brutally honest and admitting that I am not one of them.
I went through a lot with relationships/friendships in the last decade especially following my divorce. One of the most important things I learned was to protect my heart and sometimes that means doing things that feel uncomfortable, for me and others.
Keeping yourself emotionally safe is my jam. It took a long ass time for me to learn how to do it effectively. It’s empowering and liberating and if it means I have to excuse myself from a friendship, that’s just how it has to be for me.
Don’t let anyone ever make you feel shitty or shameful for who you choose to keep in your circle. It’s YOUR circle and you get the ultimate say.
I just wanted you to know this and feel less alone in case you feel the same way.