The Real Real on a Mom’s Fitness Routine

Every morning, I wake up in my toddler’s bed feeling like I’ve been run over multiple times by a truck, with zero recollection of what time I actually heard her beckoning me with the force of 10,000 feral cats .

I start my cardio warm up by getting up to pee, brush my teeth, pry my eyes open just enough to shove my contacts in with my little one attached to me like a tail and she’s already begging me to play barbies.

I warm up my arms by cleaning dog poop, dog vomit or dog hair off my floor after I’ve already stepped in it.

I do a set of high knees as I’m carrying a child swiftly to the bathroom because she said she has to poop which is actually toddler for “I’ve already started pooping so you better step on it, sister.”

I get my squats in as I’m picking up chocolate cupcake crumbs off the floor from the cupcake I told my kid there was absolutely “no way” she was eating for breakfast.

I sneak in a deadlift or two cleaning up magna tiles and grabbing the iPad from the charger so I can get to the part of the day where my younger child starts her unlimited screen time.

She spots me from behind, a little too close actually, while I throw another load of laundry in and “helps” mommy by dumping fabric softener beads all over the floor.

I get my kids set up on their teacher screens so they can learn absolutely nothing and call my name every 11 seconds because they get kicked off line and don’t understand why I just can’t fix it.

Finally I get a glorious 30 minute ride on my Peloton as my child paws at my leg, either to show affection, annoy me or perhaps passive aggressively hint that I need to challenge myself with more resistance. Then she asks me every few minutes if I’m done yet and before I even unclip my shoes, she’s slamming a naked Barbie with matted hair and a missing eye in my face because only she gets to play with the “good ones”.

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What’s your fitness journey like?