You go through some weird sh*t when you date after divorce.
Most people don’t leave a marriage because they’re happy. They have amassed a number of voids – emotional & physical – over the years. Some big and some downright cavernous.
So, it’s easy to get swept up in dating and think that you are “happy” when you meet someone right out of the gate.
I rebounded before I met Jason and I felt a little more whole because of it. When someone fills those voids, you think you feel complete. Maybe you are. Maybe you have found your person and get to emerge fairly unscathed.
For most of us, that is not the case. We instead mistake our rebounds for happiness because they feel f*cking fantastic.
Mine was no different. But then, one day something just clicked inside me after I had an argument with him. Like I was shaken into reality from a dream and removed the veil of my very own trickery I created in my head, and I was done.
Those first post-divorce experiences feel free and fun and like everything you thought you’d been missing.
When you’re in that self-discovery phase it’s super easy to trick yourself into thinking a void filler is actually a future.
It’s usually not though.
AND THAT’S OK.
It’s ok to be free and fun.
It’s ok to enjoy yourself and see a relationship for exactly what it is.
It’s ok to be honest with yourself that you maybe need that rebound to top off some of those voids and help you get your mojo back.
Just remember that void fillers are not always future fillers and there’s nothing wrong with admitting that to yourself and others if and when you have that awakening.
We meet people throughout our lives who all fill roles that we don’t even know we need.
When I met Jason, I was truly ready for a healthy relationship and that’s 100% because of my rebound experience. It changed me. Taught me. Made me stronger. Better. And then Jason was able to not just fill my voids but keep them that way.
Sometimes we have to do what feels right in the moment but also know that’s exactly what it’s meant to be – a moment. Not forever. Forever will come when you’re ready and you will feel it with every piece of your soul.
Follow me @whineandcheezits