I’m leaving my family tomorrow for five days to attend a conference that’s a pretty big deal in my world and I’m STRESSED AF.

Let me get the obvious stuff out of the way before I explain.

Yes, I’m excited to stay in a hotel and sleep in a bed by myself.
Yes, I’m excited that I don’t have to prepare a single meal for anyone.
Yes, I’m excited that I’ll be surrounded by “my people” and have incredible opportunities that can impact my writing career and its future.
Yes, I’m excited to go to dinner with other women and not have to schlep an iPad and other various hacks that keep children entertained at a restaurant.

But the truth is that I run our house and I run it well. My husband is exactly the kind of partner you want, is 100% supportive of me going and is doing everything he can to make it easier on me. But when you’re the ringleader, it’s a lot of work to leave your show. I had to piece together childcare for everyday since we do not have full-time help and I’m usually the one home with my toddler. I had to switch the schedule with my ex-husband, which means I lose three days with my older daughter, when I only get half the week with her to begin with.

I’ve been mentally packing for weeks but just now physically started and I’m already overwhelmed. 
I’ve done all the laundry, hit the grocery store, and tried to organize my homebase before I leave.
My little one is super attached and cries for me when I go to get gas. I know she’ll be fine, and my husband is a rockstar with her, but I have self-imposed mom guilt I just can’t shake.

It’s taking a lot of behind the scenes juggling to make this happen, and I’m grateful for my husband, mom and others responsible for that. I’m excited and anxious all at once.

And then add to the mix that I am a horrible flyer who drew the extreme motion sickness card. I’m a basket of nerves mixed with all the mom guilt and I’m just putting it out there so if other mamas feel the same when they travel, they know that I’m right there with them.